The Struggle

Long time no post! I don’t regularly update this, I think the last time I honest to god regularly updated a “blog” was when I had a tumblr, and even then I don’t think it really counted as a blog at all. I never really know what to post but I love the idea of blogs and I personally enjoy reading them a lot. I don’t think anyone will personally enjoy reading mine but it makes me happy I have one!

I had a long list of goals I wanted to achieve this year and one of them was to 1) be part of a group gallery show and 2) learn how to make/edit youtube videos. I’ve always loved watching art process videos on youtube and I think I just really wanted to make some of my own. I tried to do so with this piece but my big head ended up blocking the view and it’s really just a montage of me singing and eating chips while spilling chip crumbs on the painting every couple of minutes and then silently saying “what the fuck” whenever I realize I’ve been painting on the remains of cape cod chips. I even had a whole voiceover planned and the perfect ambient lo-fi chillhop soundtrack that would be softly playing in the background of the video. Since all the footage was largely a fail, I did the next best thing and I tried to take photos of the process, which I’ve included below! (why do I read like an overly formal email I’m so sorry everyone)

I usually don’t start off with a detailed sketch for any of my pieces at all, but since I hadn’t worked traditionally in a really long time I was really scared of making a mistake and wasting my paint, since I had gone through the effort of buying nice watercolor paper and buying new gouache which was not cheap by any means whatsoever lol. So I tried to make the sketch as detailed and as clear as possible, so I wouldn’t have to do any guesswork when I was rendering the piece in gouache. I usually do a messy wash with watercolor and this is mostly so I can get an idea of what kind of colours i want to use. In this case I changed up my initial color scheme that I had in mind completely, and I wanted the background to be dark and her hair light so I painted over those parts entirely with gouache. I’m honestly quite bad at using watercolors but I enjoy the spontaneous and textured effects that you can get with it, which is why I kind of use it for the initial stages of planning and filling in larger areas of the painting. I render the details of the face/body with colored pencils, but other than that everything is just rendered with gouache and a small brush. I should really use a larger brush for time’s sake.

Sometimes I get asked what materials I use, so I’m gonna list it below for the 3 people that might read this —

  • Arches Watercolor Paper 180gsm

  • Prismacolor col-erase pencil for sketching

  • Sakura Koi 24 Pan Watercolor Set

  • Holbein Acryla Gouache

  • Prismacolor watercolor colored pencils

For brushes, I don’t really know the name of the brand because I stole them from a craft workshop that was going on at my workplace at the time so they’re really cheap. It is life changing though to actually have a nice brush, especially for gouache in my opinion. For gouache I look for taklon white synthetic brushes or any white synthetic brush that is typically used for acrylic. I can’t really say I’ve experimented a lot with different brush types though but that’s what I’ve found works best for me in getting the fine lines and details.

A 10 year reflection

I honestly hate those “look back at the first drawing you did this year” posts, because most of the time I feel like the drawing I did in the beginning of the year is better than the art I do now. Looking back, I realize that while my art has changed drastically from the kind of art that I produced from the beginning of this year, it does not mean that I am better or worse, it just means that I have changed.

I went back to my parent’s house for Thanksgiving, and I was rummaging through some old drawings when I found this painting I did round 10 years ago. I was so incredibly proud of this, and I’m sure it was inspired by some painting I saw on deviantart (rip). I had left it back at my parents house so I asked my mom to take a photo of it for me.

I would upload this on tumblr but i’d probably be banned for vague nudity (also rip)

I would upload this on tumblr but i’d probably be banned for vague nudity (also rip)

I can’t look at it without laughing but I was really proud of it at the time I made it. I’m sure it represented something great and deep about creativity and my imagination and the impact art has on my life. While the drawing is technically pretty bad in all aspects, I missed the fact that in my younger days I would draw all the time, and I was full of ideas, and I would carry out those ideas whether or not I thought it would succeed on instagram. With this in mind, I wanted to do a redraw of sorts of the same concept.

The full one is a lot bigger, because I was being annoying and wanted it to span throughout my instagram feed so it could be aesthetically pleasing. I am kind of annoyed at myself for falling into this feed aesthetic trap but alas, here I am with a big ass drawing. I worked on this a lot during my free time and what was first a re-draw transformed into a piece that I would turn to work on whenever I felt shitty and anxious (which honestly, is a lot these days). There was nothing better than turning on the spotify curated Mariah Carey playlist and mindlessly scratching away at this 2400px drawing while sitting on a bean bag.

Even though 10 years have passed between the two works, the way that art has been a transformative part and healing part of my life remains the same. I know I’m not where I envisioned I would be in life but I am moving forward, whether it is something I am acutely aware of or not. A lot of things aren’t “going right” for me at this moment in time but if I put one step in front of the other, before I know it I’ll have climbed a mountain. Honestly I think Tom Hiddleston said that but I also saw it on tumblr so who really knows what the truth is

Peep the details down below and don’t sleep on it pls because it took a straight 3 weeks to finish ok? Like comment and subscribe, and all that jazz. (Just kidding, I think comments are off because if I’m being honest I get anxiety over the thought of internet trolls and haters.)

Old Ink Content

This is my first blog posts on my new website! I’ve always dreamed about creating a website but it’s honestly just something I’ve never gotten around to. I always felt like it would be something that I wasn’t worthy of yet as an artist, because’ websites are for “professionals’” and that just wasn’t who I thought myself to be.

In the process of throwing this together, I wanted to put all my old ink drawings in a post. I love working with ink but sometimes the lines can be more painstaking than therapeautic. Here are a bunch of old images I found in my hard drive of illustrations I did for a zine project in school. I daydreamed about starting a book series with it one day but alas, it never really came into fruition. I have no idea what the story behind it really was, but I remember being really proud of the results and all of the illustrations. I don’t think I slept for a week.