A 10 year reflection

I honestly hate those “look back at the first drawing you did this year” posts, because most of the time I feel like the drawing I did in the beginning of the year is better than the art I do now. Looking back, I realize that while my art has changed drastically from the kind of art that I produced from the beginning of this year, it does not mean that I am better or worse, it just means that I have changed.

I went back to my parent’s house for Thanksgiving, and I was rummaging through some old drawings when I found this painting I did round 10 years ago. I was so incredibly proud of this, and I’m sure it was inspired by some painting I saw on deviantart (rip). I had left it back at my parents house so I asked my mom to take a photo of it for me.

I would upload this on tumblr but i’d probably be banned for vague nudity (also rip)

I would upload this on tumblr but i’d probably be banned for vague nudity (also rip)

I can’t look at it without laughing but I was really proud of it at the time I made it. I’m sure it represented something great and deep about creativity and my imagination and the impact art has on my life. While the drawing is technically pretty bad in all aspects, I missed the fact that in my younger days I would draw all the time, and I was full of ideas, and I would carry out those ideas whether or not I thought it would succeed on instagram. With this in mind, I wanted to do a redraw of sorts of the same concept.

The full one is a lot bigger, because I was being annoying and wanted it to span throughout my instagram feed so it could be aesthetically pleasing. I am kind of annoyed at myself for falling into this feed aesthetic trap but alas, here I am with a big ass drawing. I worked on this a lot during my free time and what was first a re-draw transformed into a piece that I would turn to work on whenever I felt shitty and anxious (which honestly, is a lot these days). There was nothing better than turning on the spotify curated Mariah Carey playlist and mindlessly scratching away at this 2400px drawing while sitting on a bean bag.

Even though 10 years have passed between the two works, the way that art has been a transformative part and healing part of my life remains the same. I know I’m not where I envisioned I would be in life but I am moving forward, whether it is something I am acutely aware of or not. A lot of things aren’t “going right” for me at this moment in time but if I put one step in front of the other, before I know it I’ll have climbed a mountain. Honestly I think Tom Hiddleston said that but I also saw it on tumblr so who really knows what the truth is

Peep the details down below and don’t sleep on it pls because it took a straight 3 weeks to finish ok? Like comment and subscribe, and all that jazz. (Just kidding, I think comments are off because if I’m being honest I get anxiety over the thought of internet trolls and haters.)